Nutty Companion Interview
by Herald-Mage Darksong k'Vala
Summary: WARNING: WILL CAUSE TEMPORARY FITS OF GIGGLING AND INSANITY.
1. Insanity takes hold

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Mercedes Lackey's books or content. No suing, please!  
  
Me: Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my Interview of Companions.set loose.  
  
Audience member: Horses? You're interviewing horses??  
  
Companion screeching from the back: :WE ARE NOT HORSES FOR THE STAR-EYED'S SAKE!!!!!!:  
  
Audience member: Sure, whatever.  
  
Companion mentally snarling: :Idiotic humans.:  
  
Me: HELLO? MY SHOW PEOPLE!!  
  
Audience member: yeah, yeah, we hear ya.  
  
Me: SECURITY!!!  
  
(Guards march out and throw the offender out with a lolly)  
  
Me sighing: Whoa boy. Anyway, let's bring out the first of the Companions; Gwena, trot right out for us, would you?  
  
Gwena trotting out: :You make it sound like I'm some sort of meal.:  
  
Me: Uh.  
  
Audience member: A horse? You made me pay 20 bucks to see a frigging horse?!?!  
  
Gwena: :A horse, am I? Well horse this, you jackass!:  
  
(Gwena leaps off the stage and proceeds to pummel the audience member to a bloody pulp, then to a smear on the ground. She then gets back on the stage and snorts derisively)  
  
Gwena: :Anybody ELSE care to call me a horse?:  
  
Me: Uh that will be enough of that, Gwena. Anyway, if you would be so kind to as answer a few questions for me?  
  
Gwena: :That was one.:  
  
Me: Okay. First off, why are Companions white?  
  
Gwena: :The correct term is actually 'grey', but you humans can't be expected to know that. We are 'white' because we rolled in snow-banks. Yes. During the middle of summer, we roll in snow-banks. Why the hell do you THINK that we're 'white'?:  
  
SideShowBobby: 'Cause somebody threw WHITE PAINT ON YOU!  
  
Gwena: :You freaking moron. How old are you mentally, 1?:  
  
SSB: Why you freaking horse, you think just because you have a fancy-dancy name you can prance all over me? I'll show you!  
  
(Side Show Bobby lunges at Gwena with hands outstretched)  
  
Gwena sidestepping and kicking the crap out of him: :I've been on the borders of Karse so bug off little creep.:  
  
(SSB is now unconscious)  
  
Me: Okay, can we please.scratch that. BACK TO THE POINT OR I'LL CALL OUT SECURITY!!!  
  
(Drunk singing from behind scenes)  
  
Me: Or not.  
  
Gwena smirking: :I wonder where the beer came from.:  
  
Me confused: Uh, but.YOU DON'T HAVE HANDS.  
  
(Silence.)  
  
Me: Right, anyway, can we bring out Rolan?  
  
Rolan: :I don't know, can you?:  
  
Me: Uh, if you'd be so kind.  
  
Rolan: :To do what?:  
  
Me: Just get your BUTT OUT HERE!  
  
Rolan suddenly blurting out as he walks out: :sometimes monkey's die...:  
  
Me: Uh.and.how does this have relevance?  
  
Rolan: :It doesn't, I just like to mess with you human's heads.:  
  
Me: Um.right.anyway, I'm going to ask you a few questions.  
  
Rolan and Gwena chiming together: :Why are Companions white, Mommy?:  
  
Audience Member: AAAH! THEY HAVE TELEPATHY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!  
  
(Screaming member runs out and hits streetlight then faints.)  
  
Me dryly: Anybody else who is scared of the 'telepathic horses' get out now.  
  
(Nobody leaves)  
  
Rolan: :I. Am. Not. A. Horse.:  
  
Me: SARCASM YOU BIG WHITE BLOB, SARCASM!  
  
Rolan and Gwena advancing: :YOU DARE CALL US WHITE BLOBS? DIE INFERIOR HUMAN!:  
  
Me: Uh.I'm sorry?  
  
Rolan and Gwena cheerily: :Okay!:  
  
Me wiping sweat off my forehead: Okay then, on with the show! Now, Rolan, what is it like to be the Queen's Own's Companion?  
  
Rolan: :Uh...hazardous?:  
  
Audience member: zzzzzzzzzzzz  
  
(Rolan snarls and leaps off before kicking Britney Spears through the window and eating Bill Clinton)  
  
Me: Uh.  
  
Gwena: :GO ROLAN! GO ROLAN! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!:  
  
Me: Okay, next, we have a COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
(elevator music and 409 commercials) 


	2. Giggle, spot, giggle! See spot giggle!

Me: Okay, we have returned!  
  
Rolan and Gwena: INaw, reaaalllyy?/I  
  
Me: Yes, really, now shuttup and make way for our guest.  
  
Rolan with 'lip quivering': IBut, but, but moooommmyyy!/I  
  
Me: I SAID SHUT THE **** UP!  
  
Gwena staring at all the wilted grass: IWow. I've bgot/b to learn how to do that./I  
  
Me: Anyway, here is Warrl, the Ikyree/I!  
  
Warrl walks out: IRawr./I  
  
(Audience members scream and stampede)  
  
Me dryly: Anyone who is scared of the 'wolfie' run and scream.  
  
Audience all runs and screams out the door.  
  
Me: Well Ithat/I went well.  
  
Warrl, Gwena, and Rolan all together: IUhuh!/I  
  
Me rolling my eyes: Warrl, go fetch more audience members.  
  
Warrl: IYes'm!/I  
  
Warrl trots out.  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Me: Um.COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
Gwena and Rolan: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
(elevator music.again) 


End file.
